Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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