Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
