Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
