based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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