i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
