I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
