somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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