You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
