I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
