I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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