Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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