Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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