is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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