do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
