Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize