Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
