I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
