I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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