I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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