home. puking in laundry basket.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
