i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
