Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize