you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
