That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
sarcasm needs its own font
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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