You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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