tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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