dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We have so much sex to catch up on
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
