Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
