oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
