I've blown a few things in my day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
