so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
