Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
