what day is it and did you see me today?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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