Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
