Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
