she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
