My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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