Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
