A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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