i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
