you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
