i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize