I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
