You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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