hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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