Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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