Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
