Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
