Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
