Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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