I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
