Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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