I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
