I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
