i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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