i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
