it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
