her facebook's as public as her vagina
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
