I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
