I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
