"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
