So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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