well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
