That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it's like iHOP with fire
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
