tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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