Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
