Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
