Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
