She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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