home. puking in laundry basket.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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