Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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