my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
