What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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